The Gap between Single, Married, With Kids

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This divide can cause so much drama in your 20’s and 30’s. We usually do not understand until we are on the other side. Once on the other side, the other lifestyles can be quite annoying. More often then not, I find this to be true. Yes, there are the RARE few who party like said single people or act like they have children when they are far from it. The point is understanding the divide and finding middle ground with your friends in this transitional age.

The Singles
Their schedules are jam packed with social events. Sometimes attending multiple social gatherings in the same evening. They often are looking for their perfect one and are constantly on the pursuit. They do not have commitment to anyone allowing them freedom to do exactly what they would like. With often no house, kids, and other responsibility- it is easy for them to spend their money on ridiculously priced drinks and designer clothing. They never think twice about these choices because they are living “the life.”

The “in a committed relationship”
They start to cut back on their go go go lifestyle. They are no longer in pursuit and sometimes find it boring to be out with their single friends. They prefer date nights with their significant other but still have plenty of time for friends. Most are still willing to spend money on entertainment but their priorities switch focusing on their significant others feelings. They are no longer focusing on picking someone up as much as they are on having fun. This can be irritating to the single who wants a wingman.

The Married
They took the plunge and committed. They often prefer week nights in and weekend fun over daily happenings. They start to focus on buying a home, thinking about family, and the future commitment the two have. They often start to watch their money as they are saving for future goals together. These include a house, boat, children and so on. They do not want to rack up debt on frivolous things as they are looking for financial peace in their relationship. Their main commitment is the one they took to the altar. They take this person very seriously, this should be apparent by the action of marriage alone.

The Parent
These friends now have kids and the partying scene is pretty much non existent. It costs them hundreds between a babysitter, taxi, dinner, and drinks to go out. One 8$ beer could buy them a new toy for their child or 5 days worth of diapers. They appreciate having a beer or glass of wine at home after a long day. Designer clothes are no longer a necessity. Most their clothes become stained faster than they can buy them anyways. They aren’t boring. They are cherishing these years they have with their littles. They love when day events or house gatherings happen. They are more worried about saving for private school and their future than the hip Dj or band that is in town. They wish their singles understood the love they have for their children.

I have watched many friendships change and fall apart in these years because one group does not understand the other. Are you a single? Go hang out at your friends house with kids, they will appreciate it much more. Are you married? Ask your committed friends to do a weekend BBQ if you want to do something chill and on a budget. Respect the place people are at. You will most likely be in their shoes soon enough. You may even wish your single friends would come over for a beer on a Saturday night. You worked all week, barely got to see your spouse, you don’t want to get a babysitter, and your saving for a new car. I hope your single friend doesn’t complain you won’t drop your whole life and a couple hundred dollars to watch a bunch of people get wasted. Something you no longer try to do.
Have you ever had children screaming at you while hungover? If not, trust me it’s not worth it.

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