Legacy & Eternity

The other day my oldest was running in the yard. He stopped so abruptly to yell to us that their was a “lellow ball.” He was talking about the perfectly ripe lemon hanging from his Daddy’s lemon tree. We helped him pick it and he ran all around being careful not to drop the precious fruit. This is a sight I know my husband would have loved. Watching his son enjoy the literal “fruits” of his labor. Everyday I am sweetly reminded of him. The life he lived is evident in the things around us, the people he affected, and the boys we had. He may no longer be here with us, but his legacy is alive and strong. Something I never want to fade from our families life.
I am so thankful we had two boys. Boys that I hope grow to look just like their father. I hope they can look at the pictures year by year and distinguish the physical attributes he passed to them. I hope they grow to have his characteristics as well. I can already see them shine through with William. He loves to dance around the living room. He talks to everyone. His smile alone lights up a room. He is stubborn but kind. He is empathetic. All characteristics my husband held. He snuggles me when I’m sad and missing Fareed. He is so much like his daddy. They are a living legacy of his love here on earth.
I’m thankful we took so many photos in the short time we had together. I cherish them so much and I know the boys will as well. “What I like about photographs is that they capture a moment that’s gone forever, impossible to reproduce.” Karl Lagerfeld. The photos are there to remind us of the most beautiful moments in our life. I hold them dear as a reminder of the deep love we shared. They tell the story of our little family. They can explain things words at times cannot. I’m sad Charles will never have a photo of his daddy holding or playing with him. One thing I will always wish so badly we had. Never think you are taking too many pictures. They keep a spirit alive. Fareed’s legacy is told within those photos. Years and years of stories, tales, and friends frozen in time.
One of the largest things we miss when we lose someone is the person who can say “I remember that” or “I feel the same way.” A relationship is made of two people. One of the hardest things to handle is not having that person there to remind us of the love and memories we once shared. I miss having the man who fought for me endlessly. He was the only person also their for all of our sons firsts. The only one who woke up to me everyday. The only one who lived life with me. The only one who shared our beautiful love story. His friends miss these things as well. Their own inside jokes. The stories only they share. He had some friends almost 25 years. Those friends are missing half of all those memories. His siblings are missing the person to laugh about the family quirks. The person who knows their childhood. Who understands their upbringing and where they came from the most. Loss is ugly. It robs much more than a person from us. Although we lose the person all those things are shared with, I think it is important to still share those things. By sharing the photos, telling the stories, reminiscing of the love- we keep his legacy alive. We keep his kind, loving, beautiful spirit alive.
A legacy is what we leave behind long after we are gone. My husband has one of the most amazing legacies I have ever seen. He may have only been given 31 years on this earth but he lived them fully. He affected so many people and loved with his whole heart. We made a beautiful family. Two amazing kids who will always know how great their father was. They will know him by the legacy he left behind.
I also have faith it doesn’t stop here. I refuse to believe someone so beautiful just disappears into oblivion. I will never know why God took Fareed so young. I will never understand why I couldn’t celebrate my second anniversary let alone my fiftieth. I will never understand why my boys won’t be able to go fishing with their daddy. I will never understand why his friends can never share another celebratory cigar. I will never know why he will never meet his nieces and nephews some day. But I know this, this life is not pointless. Fareed impacted so many people on this earth, and it all was for something bigger than any of us. It pains me that this is all part of Gods plan. But more than anything, it gives me hope. Hope that his legacy not only lives here on earth, here in the hearts of the ones he loved. His legacy lives on eternally.
I can’t look inside myself and say that was the end for Fareed. I know it’s not. Deep inside us we know we were made for so much more. We can leave a legacy here, but here is not our home.

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This picture was recently sent to me. It was the last photo ever taken of Fareed. We miss him so much!

Our sweet boy running around the yard. He loves those boots!

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