The hardest part of Fareeds death for me is watching our children grow up without a dad. He was the best partner and most amazing man. I was so excited for a family with him. He wanted his own family more than anything. I’m thankful he got that before he passed. William was almost 13 months and I was 3 1/2 months pregnant with Charles. They will never understand how amazing their daddy was. That brings me to tears every day. So I’m writing this. And will add to it over time. I hope it helps them understand and connect.
As you travel this life without your daddy, I want you to know how much he loved you. He would have been the best father. It brings me to my knees that you will never get to experience that. Your daddy talked of our life together often. Let me tell you who your daddy would have been. He would have brought you to school on a motorcycle, against my approval of course. He wanted to build you a wooden fort in your room. He would have taught you chivalry. You would have played catch in the yard. He would have given you your first beer. He would have taught you to use power tools and how to ride a bike.
He was a proud dad. He showed you off any second he could. He would have been stern about your grades and made sure you went to college. He would have told you it was ok to get dirty, he wasn’t afraid of dirt like me. He would have kissed you goodbye every morning and goodnight every evening. He would have taught you about the rat pack, made sure you knew the lyrics to every Frank Sinatra song. He would have taught you how to be dapper. Helped you truly appreciate fedoras and sports coats. He would have brought you out for a cigar the night before your wedding. He would have been there when your children are born. He would have grabbed them with the most delicate arms and loved them more than you can imagine. He wanted to teach you generosity and selfless kindness. He would be the first to help your friends when they were in a rut. The last to anger when a situation didn’t go as planned. He wanted to give you the world, even if it meant his. A toy you wanted, a hobby you desired, he would have done anything to make you smile. He wanted you to be Chicago Bears fans. He was so excited to have two little guys to watch the games with. He dreamed of traveling with you both to one someday. He would have picked out 20 girl friends for you. He also would have been picky and stubborn the first time you brought one home. He would have brought you fishing, and helped you reel when the fish was to big. He wanted to do boys only camping trips. I can just imagine him pitching the tent, teaching you to start a fire, and telling you stories under the stars. He would have never let you make fun of other kids. Everyone was always invited, no one was ever left out. He wanted to be present for everything. He never would have missed a game. He always would make sure he was available to talk. He never wanted you to take care of him. His top priority was a future for you both. He would have tried his hardest to make you a little sister. Her name would have been RoseRenee. He would have laughed with you about technology back in his day. You would ask him a million times to explain Oregon trail and VHS. He would have loved me endlessly and been a perfect example of how to treat a lady. He would have told you stories of our crazy pasts. Adventures and fun you would never believe your parents could have had. He would have loved you endlessly. When you thought there were monsters under your bed he would scare them away and snuggle you to sleep. When you asked for water every night, he would have put a mini fridge in your room. He would have helped you invent things and build 50 story castles. He would have nurtured your dreams and helped you achieve them. He would have listened with a smile no matter how far out or excited you were. He would have asked you to be his little helper. He would have told you to ask me when he didn’t want to say no. He would have embraced you as you ran to him when he got home from work. He would have tickled you while I cooked supper. He would have protected you from harm and prayed your heart would never be broken. He would have let you watch action movies to young. He would fend off the evil dragons and monsters that found their way into our house after such movies. He would have read you the same bed time story 20x in a row if you wanted. We would have had random dance parties with you. Gave you a pep talk before your first prom. He would have bragged about his newly learned thrifting skills. He would have told you stories pre mommy that you were never to tell mommy. He would have taught you to drive, stick shift to. He would have chased you in the backyard. He would have bought you a Doberman when you were older to keep Louis company. He would teach you his secret burger recipe and how to keep the grass green. He would have been the perfect father. You both were his biggest dream. He would have shown you how deeply he longed for you his whole life. I know in my heart as much as you long for him, he longs for you. He loved you more than any words can express. It would have shattered him in two had he known he wouldn’t be here to watch you grow. Ask me any time who your father would have been. I’ll tell you stories and reminisce. Because your daddy would have been the very best.
Your daddy loves you. Eternally.
If you knew my amazing husband feel free to comment and tell the boys “Who daddy would have been.”