It would have been three years today my love. Anniversaries are made of many things. But today, Anniversaries are made of dreams. Dreams come true, and dreams yet to be. And without you here, I know it’s up to me. So much was lost that day, and we will never celebrate the way we would. But today we live for you and the dreams we once started and knew. I know that we can have it all, and how quickly that can fall. I try to explain to others how I miss you but also am letting you go. But unless they step in my shoes they will never know. I know if you could see me, you would be sad by all the pain. You’d want us to keep moving in honor of your name. I know it would hurt you the way your loss tore me to my core, but I also know you would be proud of how far I’ve come from the person I was before. I know you’d laugh as I hold my head high, always needing to have it together. And in my weakness you would rest your chin upon my forehead and say it will get better. I enjoy still telling stories of the way you riled me up. That wit, and charm, and smile that were always perfect to be around. I wish the people I know now, could see who you were. The stories don’t hurt anymore. They bring smiles to my face. It’s no longer about the loss, but the gift your love made. The boys don’t understand but they know who you were. And I’ll keep your legacy lit for them. I sometimes tell them the silly things you did, or crack a joke I know you would. I tell them of the things you wanted to build for them and the dreams we had for our family then. Toddlerhood and widowhood combined is definitely a sight to see. I often imagine the way you’d be chuckling at the sight of dirt all over them, and me. I see other fathers and it still makes me wonder who you would have been. I was afraid for so long that I couldn’t do this alone. I thank you for the strength you gave me. Your words of love and wisdom, I still hold dear to my heart. Even now you hold me, and you held me through all the grief and tears. It’s different now. I can dream again, and I know that’s what you would want. I imagine you will send someone to join us when the time is right. The acceptance of the hole you left and knowing you would want it filled, was the hardest thing I ever did. But I know your love was real. And What hurts the most is I never fully realized how much you loved me until you were gone. I thank God everyday for who you were. Your character and hopes have helped me carry on.
The love we shared, now holds me on the darkest nights. And the stars shine brighter because you once lived. Without the pain, your memory is vivid once again. And as we move forward, we will always look for your light .
And to think all because we chose to love.
Today I hold your hand forward my love, and at the same time I say goodbye.
(And in case you wondered)
(P.s. I will always love you)